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I made a body pillow with one of Ryosuke’s shirts, just because I’m weird and clingy like that. This is one of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship.
Over the last year and a half of long distance, I’ve had a couple breakdowns.
Even if you Skype two hours a day, send each other snail mail letters every week, and watch movies together once a month – you need physical contact. I stopped going to parties a couple months into our long-distance relationship. You can’t fill up your schedule too much because you still need to be there for your significant other.
You need to be able to see them on a fairly regular basis. It wasn’t an issue of trust – he trusted me, he just didn’t like me going. Going to parties alone (even with a group of friends) means you are going to be hit on, you will end up dancing alone, and you will miss your significant other even more. Spending too much time with you friends (especially of the opposite sex) can easily lead to jealousy and trust issues.
Six months after my then-boyfriend and I became “Facebook Official,” he was on a flight back to Japan. While he was studying abroad in America we met and fell in love… I followed him to Japan, doing a year study abroad in Japan.
[For more, check out: The Four Stages of Long Distance- Surviving the Separation] This is where trust comes in. There are certain physical cues that phone and Skype calls just cannot convey.
I’ve had friends who have only done long distance for a couple months, but during the long-distance they give up opportunities so they can stay together. I had a friend who was dating her boyfriend from back home. I had friends who gave up their top choice of school because it was out of the country; they gave up internship opportunities because they wanted to go home during summer break and see their girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with giving up opportunities for your significant other. [For more, check out: Don’t Blame the Distance – 6 Tips for Skyping During a Long Distance Relationship] You can’t be afraid to voice your fears to your significant other. It is awkward, uncomfortable, and difficult for both parties.
Another guy at school asked her on a date; she turned him down. She went back to the first guy (apparently she really liked him) – but he was with someone else now. However, you need to figure out when it is “worth it” and when it is not. If you are jealous or worried, you need to be able to tell them that. However, if you can’t trust/respect them enough to give it to them straight, why are you in a long distance relationship? I’m not talking about the mental cost, I’m talking about the simple monetary cost of a long distance relationship.
But I also think absence makes the heart go wander (clever, I know). I’ve noticed about 1/3 of the time it is justified, and the other 2/3 is just crazy talk. it’s just that distance makes people do crazy things.
During one particularly low point in our long-distance, Ryosuke forgot to log out of Facebook on my computer and I read through all of his private messages. I told him a couple months later – and he thought it was hilarious. Dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship is one of the hardest things to do. You can trust your significant other not to cheat on you as much as you trust the sun to rise each day, but if you see a picture of them at a party with a hot blonde on their arm, jealousy is going to rear it’s ugly head. I love holding hands and leaning on my fiances shoulder on long bus rides. To me, more than the jealousy and trust, the lack of physical contact is the hardest aspect of a long distance relationship.
But if you are reading this, you probably want to go ahead with your long-distance relationship.